If your objection to being called a "callous, evil-hearted bastard" is that your patrilineage is perfectly legitimate, welcome! You have, in your drunken Internet stumblings, alighted upon the public website of the world's most elusive of secret societies: Societas Machinarum. Our goals are well beyond your comprehension, especially considering the state you're in. but we can briefly summarize them here.

We are a highly exclusive cabal of antisocial engineers dedicated to restoring Jeb! Bush to his rightful Throne in Vatican City; or at least we started out that way. None of us expected that we would succeed so completely. Having learned how easy it is to manipulate you people on a global scale we have turned our energies to more challenging pursuits, like convincing the world that hiding your face behind a cloth muzzle will prevent the common cold, or that the natural seasonal cycle of weather will kill us all if we don't hand over our wealth to a pederastic aristocracy. Fluoride in the drinking water? That was us too. You can see the effects yourself.